A
Lesson Not Learned:
Reflections
of a Prisoner's Lament
It
has been over a year since I have seen the light of day. A year has
passed since they let me out of these dark dingy halls. Every day I
am assigned a duty that keeps me down here instead of up there. All I
want is to see light one more time, one last time before I succumb.
I
brought this fate upon myself.... I know I did... Just like everyone
else down here did. We no longer live like humans nor are treated as
such, savages have more respect and animals are much too great a
title to bestow upon us. We are literally the scum of the earth,
relegated to living in these hollowed out caves under the planet’s
surface, hoping we last long enough to pay our penance and be allowed
to rejoin the world.
Walking
through rows of cots, we are all huddled down here, inhumanely packed
tighter than sardines in the stale air. We wait for death to visit us
and release us from this mortal prison that we created for ourselves.
Down here we desire nothing but for the torture, the heart ache, the
pain of our existence to end. The daily promises made to us that are
as fresh as the air that we breathe, we know we are never getting out
of this predicament, this is our final chapter, our self- authored
end.
"Jeff
you are on body removal." A guard, my supervisor tells me once
again as I reach the front of the line where everyone eagerly awaits
their daily fate.
Nodding
is all I am reduced to, my will broken. I no longer fight my fate,
but simply nod knowing that this is the best I job will get in this
awful place. Once upon a time I was a doctor, I had everything: a
good life, money and indulgences; no worries, no cares. However like
everyone else down here I lost it all because of my own arrogance and
stupidity. I never thought anything bad could happen to me, I lived
my life well, I had some indulgences, but we all do, all in all I
abided by the law and never thought I would find myself here. I never
thought my sins would catch up with me, but I was wrong, landing me
here with everyone else who thought the same.
"Jeff
we have six more down this hallway" my partner Bill yells out
from one of the dark halls. Long ago when we first arrived here we
continued our practice together, serving as the doctors to this
deplorable hell. We did our best to do no harm, to save, help, and
treat: we made people comfortable and helped them come to terms with
what was happening. That is what we used to do until the medicine ran
out. Now we quarantine the sick and dispose of the bodies. We take
turns pushing a flat bed stacked with corpses, both of us hopping to
succumb to the illness our patients have faced. We live on meager
rations, in total despair, with death taunting us, insects thriving
on us and the rest of humanities' waste and mistakes. Everything is
deplorable in these close corridor-ed catacombs, sewage and decay
fills everyone's' nostrils while the sight of ambient death is
illuminated by dim luminescent light. The taste of disappointment,
the feeling of sorrow, the sound of pain make life down here
unbearable, a punishment for our sins, simply put it makes life down
here not worth living.
The
day goes by like this: twenty more bodies to add to our mounting
death toll, our numbers dwindling we now reserve ourselves for
another night of deplorable torture. Outside of the lucky twenty the
rest of us prepare ourselves for bed hoping that tomorrow will never
come, hoping that we will never wake. Watching the stairs I see a few
dejected people return from the surface- their faces strewn with the
same expression the survivors have down here, all of us thinking the
same thing: “why not me?” Watching them come inside we all
rejoice for the few that did not return today knowing that their
pain had been sated and mercifully this torment was all brought to an
end.
Bzz.Bzzz.Bzz.
I can no longer tell if the sound filling the air is the radio or a
bug. All in all it does not matter because nothing will change and
it will not be brought to an end. bzzz.bzz....bzzz
"My
fellow Americans..." the broadcast starts, " today has been
another hard fought day….”
I
tune out the radio and drift off to sleep knowing that he will have
nothing good for me or anyone else down here. We made our beds,
humanity turned its back on us long ago and now we all live with it,
waiting for the end.
"Jeff
you are going above today...." I hear coming from my familiar
supervisor, an uncontrollable smile over taking my face and betraying
my feelings to all.
"What
was that Todd?" I ask convinced that my ears are tricking me
with a little hope.
"You
are going to the surface today."
I
can actually feel my heart warm as I am armed with the knowledge that
I will not be chasing bodies today in this desolate chamber of death
and regret. I will see light today, a year to the day I was forced
into this self made prison.
Walking
up the long stair case I do not mind the armed guards flanking me or
any of the pains caused in this underground hell. The light poking
through the door's rusted edges was like seeing the gates of heaven
for the first time, that door was all that separated me from my
prison hell to the bliss of the outside world above.
Creaking
open, crimson sunrise burned our eyes as the smell of fresh air
attacked us, for many of us for the first time in a year. Warm rays
and dense humid air quickly overtake us as we breached the steel door
taking our first steps back onto the soft Earth we had all once
known.
The
guards quickly disperse to the perimeter of the work sight, their
guns at the ready in case of any disturbance. The weapons are not to
be used haphazardly, all guards trained to conserve their precious
ammo that is hard to come by out here. We were told the weapons were
for everyone’s safety, but we all know they are only ever going to
be used as protection for the guard holding it. Out here the guards
had to fight for their own life just like the rest of us. They could
care less if we escaped because we would die before we ever reached
civilization. Like the rest of us, the guards knew that life out here
truly was every man for them-self.
The
fresh air and blissful ignorance is short lived as the honeymoon
period quickly ends and our true surroundings materialized around us.
We are ankle deep in waste, in garbage, a literal reflection of how
we feel about ourselves and what we have done. The blissful soft
Earth we originally felt is in reality decaying muck, the fresh air
is filled with smog and the smell of smoke coming from our
incinerator shaft. A shaft that had been drilled years ago for trash
and body disposal.
My
job out here is to wade through this muck, trying to separate out
what can possibly be recycled or will naturally decompose from the
mounds of trash surrounding me. It is a minuscule task that in the
end is nothing but busy work making no actual difference on what is
going to happen here or in the grand scheme. In the end the only
difference that it makes is that deep down inside every piece of
trash I sift through feels like a small penance, making amends for
all that had gone wrong.
Howls
of danger fill the air around us as the once nocturnal predators come
out to find a quick meal, to make a quick score. I know I am not
safe, that none of us are safe. Once at the top of the food chain now
I am wading in this muck, demeaned to something lower than an insect,
amazed at how far I have fallen, hoping the wolves pick me as their
midday meal.
The
day creaks by at a snail's pace as the air becomes stale with smell
of rot and garbage. Two of my colleagues have been chosen for sweet
relief by the wolves, the guards doing nothing to protect them except
for distancing themselves from the savage beasts. Looking off into
the horizon I see a distant skyline, a relic of my past, something I
will never know again. Over the mounds of trash laden earth the city
is stagnant and dormant from this distance and I can not help but
imagine the life that I used to be a part of there- the life that
stirred around me.
Walking
back down the staircase I am instantaneously reminded of how blissful
today’s reprieve was, as the smell of death, decay, hopelessness
and despair fill my lungs. Down here in our barely luminescent tomb
we are constantly reminded of our abandoned fate. A fate the light of
day will not even shine on as punishment for our sins, a fate that
everyone down here deserves and created for ourselves.
Bzzz.Bzzz...Bzzzz.....
The
daily broadcast starts as our radios awaken from their slumber. I
lay in my cot fighting back sleep wanting to listen to today’s
message, my being still infused with my joy from today's jaunt
outside. In the end though I lose the fight before I hear a single
word. Sleep over takes me as I dream of another day of freedom
outside.
Outside
once again I check my surroundings contemplating an escape. I doubt
the guards will stop me, knowing saving one condemned life is not
worth putting their own in mortal danger. Running for the beautiful
hills and valleys, out of this dump seems like such a good idea until
the rain starts, reminding me of what is really laying in wait
beyond the man-made mountains of waste.
It
burns as the first few drops hit my skin, rain having become as much
acid as it is water. Feeling it fall on and around me I feel the pain
rush through my body reminding me of all of my sins I still must
atone for, wondering why God has turned against me and turning my
only reprieve into a living hell. Rivers of acid flow over the murky
hills as the guards quickly usher us underground to safety. I want to
stay out here and feel my funeral, silently praying to be swept away
towards the shaft for a quick end. Looking back over the hills as I
am rushed inside. I know the truth of the matter is that outside of
these mounds of garbage and waste there is no clean water, food, or
shelter for miles around. If the animals did not get me I would die a
slow painful death at the hands of nature, a death that would be
quicker than the one I face inside my concrete tomb.
The
door shuts behind me along with the door to my own dream of ever
escaping this horrible place. The day is almost complete and I know I
will soon find myself picking up bodies once again. Knowing what is
going on outside I start to dread what will be coming. Every rain
depletes our water supply, rations become scarce, and thirst
intolerable. It is not worth it and before I can think I dart past
everyone towards salvation.
Running
through the hallways I race towards the incinerator, ready to end it
all. The day is almost over and the broadcast will soon begin. I
however have no desire to hear it, the acid striking me; the famine
and thirst effecting all of us, and the realization that there will
soon be an in numerable number of corpses I would have to remove lead
me to the ultimate truth: there is no hope left.
No
matter what we do down here our verdict had been written before any
of us ever entered this dark place. Our fate had been sealed from day
one because we never learned. There had never been any hope down
here, no life, only pain and despair. I am done I am ready and am now
truly on the edge.
The
heat is insatiable, the fumes toxic, standing on this cavernous
precipice I am trying to will myself off the edge into the molten
rock below. This is where all the trash goes, all the garbage of this
earth, all the evil things we created, so why should I not join the
rest of it, I am no better or different. I was part of the problem a
blight on all that was once good, I do not deserve any more time or
resources and right now have a chance to do something good with my
life.
Staring
into the bubbling abyss I hear the buzz of chatter and insects
behind me. This is my chance to take control, to do something good,
to end it all and be done with it. And yet.. I can’t…Every
instinct in my body is fighting against the one fateful step. The
thing that led me down into this cold abyss a year ago holds me to
this ledge now. I want to survive. Even when faced with the daily
reminder of our mortality I am not able to understand or face it. I
want to survive no matter the cost. Standing here I try to fight my
instincts that cement me to this ledge, my logic and will knowing
that it will never change, my instincts tell me to stay put and give
it time filling my heart with lies that I know are nothing more than
empty promises.
Drip...drip
I feel the sweat dripping from my brow in to the fiery depths below.
I long to to join the sea of fire with the rest of mine and
humanities sins. I’m hoping for a sign, a sign from our virgin
mother that I have repented enough, that it is alright for me to end
it all. I stand still waiting for a slight tremor to knock me over or
for the molten Earth to shoot up through the tube trapping myself and
everyone else like a present day Vesuvius.
The
tremor never comes and I feel my will bending to my instincts as I
back off the edge of relief and desire. My steps quickly carry me
away from the fiery pit of salvation, back to my cold damp cot, in
the tomb of death, sorrow, and despair.
Bzzz.bzz...
bzzz.
I
am too tired to turn the radio off, mentally and physically exhausted
I lie here hoping that the bugs will devour me alive tonight. Turning
over though the buzzing starts to crack as the nightly broadcast
comes to life.
“My
fellow Americans tonight has been another hard fought day against
ecological disaster. The world's current population after today's
deaths and births sits at 500 million accounted for. Climatologists
across the world are hoping to make a breakthrough soon regarding the
acid rain. This breakthrough should allow us an option to heal the
surface faster, hopefully allowing all of us to move back sooner.
Until we have further news stay strong, know that these conditions
will not last forever, hold faith, and do what you can to survive.”
The
broadcast dies until a few minuets later you hear the bzz.... bzzz.
Start up again
“My
fellow Americans tonight has been another....”
It
will repeat like that for a few hours. Most of us stopped listening
months ago, because the only thing that ever seems to change are the
population numbers. Slowly dwindling as mother nature makes a mockery
of us as a species. We over shot our carrying capacity all the while
destroying our only home in ignorant over-indulgences.
We
acted like crack addicts who sacrifice everything for their next
high. We didn't heed the warnings of global warming- invincible from
our silent killer like a new driver at sixteen. No one ever imagined
living inside underground bunkers when we selfishly bought the latest
and newest technological toy every year. None of us accurately
estimated that the cost of our lavish life- styles was living in our
own tombs with stagnant, death filled air that had to be pumped in
from the surface. Stale rations, little water, and death mocking us
around every corner.
The
damage grew so slowly for so long we always thought that it would be
the next generation who would fix it, in the end by the time our
actions became real to us we had reached a point of no return in
terms of the damage we did to our hallowed Mother. Once China and the
East started consuming like Americans we hit the point of no return.
Rain forests all over the world were quickly being eaten up by
consumer greed and our need for cardboard and paper to ship and track
our material indulgences. Landfills quickly overflowed with toxic
devices that we threw away for no other reason than they were a
“old”.
We
never truly developed our “green power options,” our own
ignorance blinding us from how much it could have changed everything
for us. Instead we fought each other relentlessly for oil and coal,
pushing what we had to the limits so we could satisfy our endless
appetite for electricity and power. At the time everyone thought
that WW3 would erupt and that would end most suffering and strife
before anything too horrible could begin. However as the armies of
the prepared for war our once fertile farmlands stopped producing
crops and everyone’s attention was shifted. In an ironic show of
community any war effort and funds were quickly funneled into
solving the world’s new starvation pandemic and what had caused it.
After a few years of research it we discovered we had decimated our
own soil right out from under us. Agribusiness farming models, lack
of genetic diversity, compounded with growing ecological problems
created an environment where nothing could survive, not even
ourselves. We should have seen it, in our behavior, our actions, our
jargon, war metaphors, survival of the fittest, we never thought it
would come to this, but it did. In the end corporate greed, personal
indulgences and our inability to take responsibility for anything
created a monster that could no longer be contained and would destroy
our existence on this Earth.
Famine
hit as the conditions outside became unbearable. Haze, dust, and smog
covered cities and plains of the worlds. Most animals retreated
quickly when they saw the writing on the wall, but even then most of
them died at the cost of our ignorance, the rest find themselves
fighting every day for survival. Acid rain along side our garbage and
smog poisoned our water sources making most of our fresh water
useless. Death started overtaking the cities of the world in massive
waves. Disease crippled hospitals, famine destroyed whole countries,
and soon the healthy retreated away to these underground tombs that
were supposed to bring safety and salvation, but in reality simply
brought more pain and made most of us beg for death.
We
took everything we had left into these underground tombs. Rations,
medicine, food, and water were grabbed quickly as we rushed away from
the cities. In the wake of our mass-exodus cities were left full of
sick, starving, and dying, all crying out for help that would never
come. We left countless to die slow painful deaths fighting now as
species for survival. Two billion people entered these underground
bunkers when it first started and now a year later we were down to a
quarter of those numbers.
Outside
poisoned water has changed and mutated the animals that have
survived. Insects thrive over the new death stricken planet, and on
the surface the only thing we do is sort trash hoping that we can
reverse some of the damage we have caused to our planet, our home. We
were now sorting garbage in a vain attempt to cure the Earth from our
poisons hoping we can create an opening for us to return to the
surface to show that we have learned from our mistakes and are ready
to try again.
Deep
inside we all know that we have failed ourselves and our Mother,
sitting in these death filled tombs we wait for our fate to take us.
We have no one else to blame but the person we each see in the mirror
every morning. Down here I only pity the children, many of which
were born down here, they will never know anything but pain and
suffering and worst of all they did nothing to create this hell they
live in and have to pay the price for the rest of humanity.
They
tell us we have to have kids, we have to save the species for the day
we can return to the surface and our rightful place at the top of the
chain. I know that will never happen though and know that most of us
are counting down the days until our species is wiped from this
planet, not the day we reconquer it. From the top of the food chain
we never thought we could fall so far and now we find ourselves
barely holding on to the bottom rung, insects feasting upon our
rotting flesh and hopeless dreams.
Coughs
and despair fill the air as I come to terms with the reality that I
will never leave this tomb. In the end these underground bunkers that
were supposed to save us will become catacombs of mankind's last
selfish effort to save itself.
I
feel no guilt, or remorse, no pain about what is happening, nor anger
towards what is to come, because I know we brought it upon ourselves.
My final wish and hope is that one day some being will come across
the remains of our body strewn cities and sewers and see the truth
that none of us could see.
We
were a cancer to this Earth, self indulgent, egotistical, an eye
never open for what was to come or what we were doing. Mother Earth
warned us to learn from our mistakes, to study, so we could thrive
and grow, but we did not and were too headstrong to notice or listen.
In the end I hope another entity sees us for what we truly are: an
ignorant species who did not do their best, a species that lost their
understanding of responsibility, morality, and consequences. To be
perfectly honest and succinct I hope they will see us as the prime
example of: the lesson not learned.
If you enjoyed this story please check out the Lesson Not Learned Collection (Link below) and my first satire series A Thirteen State Reunion
Lesson Not Learned Page
A Thirteen State Reunion Page
If you enjoyed this story please check out the Lesson Not Learned Collection (Link below) and my first satire series A Thirteen State Reunion
Lesson Not Learned Page
A Thirteen State Reunion Page