Here is story two in my lesson not Learned Short Story. I hope you enjoy.
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Alec Degnats
A Lesson Not Learned:
Deceleration of Wall
Street's Love
This rotating glass door is
a moronic juxtaposition to how I feel and who I am. Extravagant, gold
plated, revolving on its own in an infinite show of strength and
resilience. I am a hollow shell of this door: impoverished, stagnant,
growing in my own gloom and ironically a mirror of the true business
that goes on here. Walking through this door for the hundredth time,
I am here only to play with others' money, never knowing the meaning
of wealth myself.
“Morning Jim,” I hear as
the commotion of the marble laid halls engulf me. I chuckle to myself
knowing that most of these people only know my name because I have
walked these dreadful halls for twenty five years now.
Yep, that’s right, twenty
five years with two promotions and a single pay raise. Every once in
a while I pass a scared intern, not knowing how to address me or what
my position actually is. Incapacitated by fear they mumble out “Good
morning Mr. ….” as they avert their eyes, scared to make eye
contact with a man of my standing, fearful my failure will infect
them if they do.
“Take this Jim,” one of
my coworkers says to me as he pushes the first of many documents on
me. I am a courier of files here, regardless of the title I have been
given, and no matter what others think I could care less what these
files hold, all I do is shuffle them from one desk to another,
fielding signatures from time to time.
“Jim how is your dad?” I
hear for the hundredth time this morning as I walk past another row
of sterile cubicles. It is nice being liked, but I know that they are
much more concerned about my father and the hole he left with his
illness. My father has been with this company forever and recently
went ill and no matter how little our role is
everyone expects me to be him, to become him even when I do not want
to. I would say that I am worried about him, but that would
insinuate that we had a relationship, that would insinuate that I was
not a constant disappointment in his life.
. . .
“I thought you would be at
the hospital,” a scared voice says as he wanders into the grand
office I currently find myself in, minutes before lunch is about to
begin.
“Just grabbing a few
things and got caught up in the room's beauty,” I remark, myself
and my guest knowing that I despise this office more than any other
place in this god forsaken, liar stricken building.
We are standing in the CEO's
office -an office neither one of us belong in- all because Evan
caught me daydreaming. Before he arrived I stopped in here to drop
off a few things. Knowing the boss would be out today I time to look
around the office of tyranny and deceit.
The first thing that catches
your eye in here is not the plush leather couches, or the impeccable
rosewood floors, but the view of Wall Street that costs more a month
than most families make in two lifetimes. Priceless art is nothing
more than disposable covers for safes that hold the “priceless
secrets” of this deplorable place. Mink rugs, mahogany desk, and an
insurmountable amount of money poured into this office all becomes a
sick joke when you think about who actually foots the bill for this
immaculate place.
“The stock took another
hit, you know,” Evan says behind me. Apparently he thinks that I
have magically started caring about such things.
“I know,” I politely
respond, hoping that he will let me leave this dreaded place if I
answer him. My thinking is too wishful and instead of letting me
leave he takes my little response as an invitation to prattle on.
“It's because your...”
“Stop Evan.” I cut him
off, not wanting to hear how Evan is about to justify my dear old
dad's illness for the stock's crash. We are paper pushers and have
been for years, we do nothing for this company that a trained monkey
could not do and no matter what he says we can not be responsible for
the stock's crash.
“Sorry... I know it must
be hard for you, but it would help everyone if you took his place,”
Evan gets out in a fearful tone, not knowing if he overstepped a
line.
Turning around I meet Evan's
eyes and see the emptiness between us, we are not friends, mere
acquaintances and no matter what I do I know that that will never
change. I am lonely, I am a failure, and more importantly I do not
have any true friends.
A sickening silence
overtakes the room as Evan waits for me to respond while we stand in
an office neither one of us should be in. Part of me is relishing in
this moment hoping that we will be caught and thrown out of this
dreadful place,
part of me wants to jump through this window to make a true company
splash, however most of all I feel uneasy as I digest Evan's words.
Even in fear he managed to say something everyone else has hinted at
or whispered behind my back for months now: it is time for me to step
up and take my father's place.... it is time for me to become the
thing that repulses me and the man I hate, it is time for me to
become my father.
. . .
“Rupert you have to take
my place tomorrow,” my dad tells me in his wonderfully dissatisfied
tone, throwing in my pet name for added sting.
“I'm not going to do it,”
I coolly respond, my only regret being that my mother is caught in
the middle of our dysfunctional relationship. Part of me regret is my
behavior toward him, but I know that every cough, every cold, is just
a part of his new strategy to force the family tradition on me. “I'm
thirty five now dad and I am not ready to do this. I want to see the
world. I want to do my own thing and start my own life.”
“Are you crazy,” my dad
wheezes as he strains against the many tubes tying him to the bed. “I
mean...”
“Honey your dad means that
you are getting older now and it is time to take responsibility for
what needs to be done.” My mother interrupts him as she gently
pushes him back into bed, fluffing his pillows, and trying to defuse
the escalating tension in the room.
Looking back at both of my
parents in the card and flower lined hospital room what they just
told me was something I already knew: they think I'm crazy and living
in the clouds. Of course I know the truth of the matter and the
situation. Even if I took my dad's place I would never live up to his
expectations and right after I take over he would be watching my
every step telling me how much better he would be doing everything.
His disappointment wouldn't end if I took the job, our relationship
would not be fixed.
“You have always been a
fuck up... and tomorrow you will take my place or lose your
inheritance. You hear. Your succession has been set up and approved.
You are no longer a teenager and it is time you stop acting like one.
Grow up and stop fucking everything that moves, stop rebelling to be
“cool” and take responsibility for yourself and do your dam job.
Do it or get out of my life so I can find someone who will.”
The conversation over, I
leave without saying another word. Believe it or not this is my
father in a good mood and I can not fathom turning into him. The last
thing in the world I want to do is take his position. I want to
write, to live, to sip wine and attend art openings. His life never
interested me and I would rather die before taking it. Family is
family though and no matter how much I hate it I do have obligations
to them that I feel can not be avoided.
Walking through the front
doors I am reminded of how difficult it its to escape my lineage as a
flurry of lights blind me. My driver and body guard quickly usher me
to the waiting car as reporters flock to me flashing pictures, asking
questions about my father and our family business. None of them care
about him or the family, but want something juicy that they can use
to fight with for their own promotion. They want to know what is
happening tomorrow and how that will affect the stock. They want to
break the story that haunts my life, they are vultures, no better
than my dad and his deplorable business. This is what happens when
you are the son of Jimmy Vandevere, the most powerful investment
broker in the world.
. . .
Jill calls me yet again and
I am unable to pick up. We hooked up years ago during one of my sex
binges and I have loved her ever since. As far as I can tell the
feeling is mutual, but I can not drag her down with me, she is my
only true friend and deserves so much better than me. We have seen
each other many times personally and professionally since that first
fateful night, but we can never be any more than friends because in
the end I would only break her heart which will shatter what is left
of mine.
“Anything else baby,” a
beautiful voice behind me whispers in my ear as I feel a warm body
wrap itself around me.
Turning my head Lilly, the
20 year old blonde intern who I brought home tonight is wrapped
around me waiting for more. Lilly is a nice girl during the day, and
a freak at night. One of those girls who looks like a billion dollars
at any angle, in any light, at any time of day.
“Nah... you can stay as
long as you want, grab some food, whatever,” I say as I rise from
the bed and walk towards my little table that is home to my post
coitus drinks. Pouring myself a drink I can not help but chuckle at
the irony in all of this: to escape my dad's disappointment I do
exactly what causes it.
“You sure honey?” Lilly
asks following me to the table kissing my shoulders once she reaches
me.
Feeling her warmth pressed
up against me I know tonight is insincere for both of us. I want
nothing to do with her other than tonight. For her tonight is either
a one night stand, a scandal, possibly even love or romance. Maybe
tonight is some sick combination of these reasons or possibly none of
them. Regardless of Lilly's intent though tonight is
her way into the company and a promotion. I do not want to be
narcissistic, but I have had so many nights like this before;
interns, many of them, trying to fast track their way up the
corporate ladder by sleeping with the boss's son. Turning back to her
I want to tell her that I am done for the night, that I need to be
well rested for the morning, but I never get that far and before I
can say anything her blue eyes hypnotize and I soon find myself
rolling around in the covers again with her.
. . .
“You are going to be
late.” I hear a heavenly voice wake me.
Opening my weighted eyelids
Jill is standing in front of me. It appears that Lilly left at some
point and looks like Jill let herself in to check up on me.
“She was a pretty little
thing from accounting. Although if you are going to bring my interns
home I would appreciate a heads up so I can open up a spot for them
in the company or at least find you a smart and pretty one”
Jill's voice is a little
scolding, but is more so filled with disappointment and regret. I
know the intern does not bother her, but it is the fact that I refuse
to commit to her. Believe me this is not the first time she has
walked in on me in my birthday suit with another woman and as far as
I can tell she does not care who I sleep with, but wants to stop
dancing around the issue of us. She loves me and I love her, but I am
far too broken for anyone like her.
“Don't worry about her,
Jill. I'm sure that Laura will find her way just fine and will be
good for the company.” I respond trying to wipe the sleep from my
eyes as the true weight of the day begins to settle in.
“Lilly...” Jill corrects
me, "and she has consistently shown she can not add her way out
of a paper bag, but I'm sure we always need senior sales reps who
look like that.” Jill finishes as she sits down next to me, handing
me a glass of water, trying her best to break me out of the stupor
that holds me.
Taking the glass I get lost
in her chestnut eyes. No matter what she tells you Jill is just as
beautiful if not more so than Lilly. She has an understated classic
beauty that she can not hide no matter how she tries to under her
suits and long skirts. Her body is divine, her face immaculate and
more importantly her soul pure, her character true. She is smart,
engaging; caring and loving, in essence she is perfect.
“Look you go take a
shower, I'll fix you breakfast. After you are cleaned up we can head
off towards that press conference together.”
She is so caring, so loving,
I look up into her eye with a silent agreement knowing that I do not
deserve someone as good as her.
. . .
Inside the town-car limo
Jill sits across from me, her business dress provocative and
professional- a testament to her intoxicating beauty and class. I sit
in a thousand dollar suit- a suit I plan to rid myself of after today
considering what I am about to do in it.
“You ready for this?”
Jill asks as we approach a gathered crowd waiting for our arrival.
“I think so. I think I am
ready to make a change,” I respond looking back into her eyes. “All
I hope is that you will be there for me as I get used to this new
life.”
The car screeches to a halt
as a rumble of voices and cameras overload my auditory senses. The
vultures came out in full force for today's announcement. Circling
the car they are ready to feast on my caucus, ready to scrutinize and
micro analyze my every word and moment I make from today on. They are
ready to let my inconsequential announcement become front page news,
they will let my five minute speech change the global economy. My
words, nothing tangible, with no data or numbers backing them, are
about to decide the fortunes and lives of so many innocents within
this corrupt world. It truly is ironic and quite stupid that a speech
from someone who knows nothing about business or finance will decide
the fate of the world's economy, showing just how ludicrous our
system has become.
The car door opens to a
security lined red carpet. Flashes blind me as I approach the podium
surrounded by my parents, the board, and senior personnel. Somehow
finding the podium, the flashes subside as I regain my vision,
looking out over the crowd. Everything becomes silent as the world
waits to hear my prepared speech, a speech that I am in fact about to
create on the fly due to my previous engagements from the night
before.
“Good morning. Ladies and
Gentlemen of the media, my own board, managers, and of course my
parents, I would like to thank you all for coming today. As you are
all well aware today's announcement marks another changing of the
guard in this firm's long and prosperous history. My father has been
ill and can no longer lead the company in the capacity he feels
comfortable with and for this reason has decided to step down. Over
the past forty years we have all benefited under his guidance and
expertise. I speak for all of us when I say we will miss his presence
and advice as he moves on from the firm into a well deserved
retirement. We have grow every year, broken our projections many
times, and tripled the number of positions in this firm during his
tenure. He has done a stupendous job for the company and the world
and we would like to now thank him for everything he has done. Thank
you ”
An awkward applause sounds
through the crowd as they react to my speech. Some members of the
media scribble away on pads, while others wait at attention for me to
slip up like I always do, however within a minute the applause dies
down as everyone waits for the true announcement they all came to
hear.
“This business has been
within my family for many generations. It was all started by my great
grandfather over a century ago as a small mom and pop bank in
Lynchburg, Tennessee and now has grown into the most important
financial institution in the world. We all know the history of this
great company, so I will not recap that now, but I would point out
that my grandfather, father, and great grandfather bread a culture of
understanding, hard work, dedication, passion, responsibility, and
care. They have always cared for every single one of their employees
and I would like to announce now that these guiding principles will
lead this company long after my father and I have left our posts.”
Applause erupts, applause
that turns my stomach and makes me sick. The only thing my father or
grandfather ever cared about were profits and breaking projections.
You were family here as long as you were producing and when I say “we
cared,” I was referring more about our stockholders than the
working man who kept this firm afloat. These vultures know the truth
shrouded in my words and still applaud, it is appalling how heartless
they are, how heartless we have become.
“We need a new leader who
can embrace these values and guide this company through the perils
that the new global economy and recession present.” Taking a breath
everyone is on the edge of their seats, I look beyond them and see
our company's stock flash across the ticker about to change when I
begin to speak again. Wall street hanging on my every word, the
reporters are ready to bombard me with questions; now it is time for
me to do what needs to be done, it is time for me to step up and to
make my family proud. “For all of these reasons I have chosen to
step down and will leave the duty of appointing my father's successor
to our talented and respected board. Thank you for your time and have
a great day.”
Silence overcomes the crowd
of vultures as if their carcass disappeared in front of them. No one
knows how to respond or how my announcement should affect the market.
Taking my chance to escape I leave the podium and take Jill's hand,
walking away from the pandemonium beginning to erupt around us. A
ring in my hand I look back at my father one more time to see him
white as a ghost, beyond furious. I know he is disappointed now, but
in time I think he will see that I finally did something responsible
and am actually taking control of my life for once. Hand in hand with
my confused friend, Jill and I walk away from the crowd with my new
family towards a local coffee shop, ready to ask her the question
that has been truly weighing on me all day.
. . .
Six months later Jill and I
live in a small apartment off of Central Park. My father may have cut
me off from the life of riches, but for once in my life I am happy
and have finally embraced the values my great- grandfather had built
our company on.
It was always about family,
and setting the table for Jill and my first Christmas dinner I wait
to hear a knock at the door. Tonight will be the first time I have
seen my parents since my departure from the company and despite the
chaos I caused I know I made the right decision.
I work out of a small loft
with Jill, who now does the books for a few local coffee shops and
while we both make a tenth of what we used to we are all doing better
now. My father's health has improved and while tonight may be the
first time I have seen them in months, my father and I have been
talking twice a week about everything from baseball to my new
photography business ever since my departure.
Looking back at Jill as she
pulls out the Christmas ham I know I made the right decision and I
am reminded of how I taught myself and my father something he and his
father forgot long ago. Life is about more than profits and market
worth, but is about love, family, and bliss. Prosperity does not have
to be counted in coins and gold, and as I see it I am richer now than
I ever was before. I have my family back, work that is full of joy,
and can not believe that I escaped, I can not believe that I managed
to escape the trap of corporate greed and did not become another
example of this lesson not learned.
